Recently, I came across an ex-boyfriend of mine on myspace. His profile stated that he was interested in dating, and listed all of these wonderful reasons why you should go out with him. So, in the spirit of truth in advertising here are a few other "winning" traits he forgot to mention:
He'll call you everyday… and beg you to bail his sorry ass out
He'll occasionally surprise you with a new dress… that makes him look fat
Both sides of his family are very close… genetically
He'll never hit you… if you can run away fast enough
He follows his instincts… and marks his things by peeing
He has many aspects to his personality… each with a different name and background
He's very attractive… especially to law enforcement
Never worries how he's seen by others… or how he smells to them, either
You'll never have to listen to him rattle on about his accomplishments…
He believes in doing unto others… so he wants you to get loaded and hit on his friends
He loves kids and animals… so you better not let him out of your site, if you know what I mean
He'll make you laugh… especially when he's naked
He's got a wild side… he lives outdoors and eats from trashcans
He's an enigma… a deliberate compulsive
He'll never notice your flaws… or the poison
He'll inspire you to start a whole, new life… in a different state under an assumed name
He's not afraid to cry… especially if you hit him with a bat
He's always thinking of your needs… like, you need to shut up, you need to give him money…
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