If You Answer “Yes” To Any Of These Questions… You’re A Lowlife

Ø Have you hit on me at some point?
Ø Can you belch all the words to a song?
Ø Did you have to inflate your last "significant other"?
Ø Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, now that's good eatin'?
Ø Is Tony Danza is a gifted performer?
Ø Having money doesn't mean you have class. You hear me, Donald Trump?
Ø Is Dow Jones the guy that sang 'What's New, Pussycat?'
Ø Does your retirement plan involve lottery tickets?
Ø Have you ever been beaten with chair on 'Springer'?
Ø Do you need someone to help you with the big words when you read the letters to 'Penthouse'?
Ø Have you ever appeared shirtless on 'Cops'?
Ø Do you know what it means when I refer to the "Lowest Common Denominator"?
Ø Is your response to anything that goes wrong to give 'em the finger?
Ø Do you stare transfixed at freakishly large implants?
Ø Do you know at least one guy who's missing all or part of a finger, and called "Lucky"?
Ø Do you prefer young broads and old whiskey, but gladly settle for the opposite if it's cold enough?
Ø Have you ever touched Bill Clinton on purpose?
Ø Are you Bill Clinton?
Ø Did we date at some point?
Ø Are you in front of me in traffic?
Ø Have you ever had sex in the back of a truck? An ice cream truck? Was the little tune playing?
Ø Did the last art or cultural event you attended involve cars gettin' smashed up real good?
Ø Have you ever been elected to office in New Jersey?
Ø Are more than one of your kids named Rusty Jr., and don't share the same father?
Ø Are you now, or have you ever been a white rapper?
Ø Have you been known to beat your kids when they "sass back"?
Ø Does the whitest sheet in your house go over your head?
Ø Have you "accidentally" had your cooch photographed by paparazzi? Twice?
Ø Are you related to Janet Jackson?
Ø Is your "family business" collecting government checks?
Ø Does your work uniform include pasties?
Ø Did the plot of the last book you read involve finding a guy in glasses and a striped shirt?
Ø Are casino slots almost as loose as your wife?
Ø Does your diet consist mostly of Slim Jims?
Ø For legal purposes is your full name is Roxy Moron-Busey?
Ø Has a cop ever referred to you as "that dumb sum'bitch"?

(in somewhat loving tribute to my favorite songwriter, John Eddie, check him out at www.johneddie.com He's a very funny and gifted musician, and not too bad on the eyes either, ladies)