Likely Ways Roxy Will Meet Her Demise

- Natural causes at age 36
- Gopher attack
- Pushed out of moving car
- Hail of gunfire
- Drano-rita
- Head explodes while trying to comprehend why Jenny McCarthy is famous
- Beaten to death on "Springer"
- Some vicious STD. C'mon, you know you're all thinking it
- Assassinated by C.I.A.
- Boogie Fever
- In bed with a big smile on my face! Woo-hoo!
- Running with scissors
- Freak "Thigh Master" accident
- Self-inflicted eye wounds
- Shooting off big mouth while being robbed at ATM
- Pushed down stairs by gigolo
- At liposuction clinic in Tijuana
- If I were you, I'd put my money on "behind the wheel"
- Murdered by ex. Body never recovered. No one surprised. Especially other exes.
- Attempting to jump 7 school buses on a Harley
- Boredom
- Really bad paper cut
- Chained to a bed
- Lightning strike in church during confession
- Jealous spouse(s)
- Court ordered
- Slipping on own vomit
- Wild weekend with Teddy Kennedy, so suicide
- On the altar during wedding to husband #5
- Listening to Justin Timberlake album
- At Knicks playoff game, at age 107
- Not exactly sure how, but it involves a dare, a former member of "Winger" and a bottle of Tequila
- David Blaine stunt goes horribly, horribly wrong
- Ignoring "Elk Crossing" sign
- Celine Dion/John Tesh concert
- Hitchhiker
- In Monica Lewinsky's place due to mistaken identity
- Alien Moon Cult mass suicide
- Pole-dancing accident
- Stabbed while re-enacting the timeless classic "Delilah" a little too well
- Failure to heed "Danger: Laser in Use" sign
- Drown in goldfish bowl after giving pet mouth-to-mouth (pet OK)
- Passing on free concealed hand gun training
- In some filthy hotel room, with a Jack Daniels bottle in one hand, a lit cigarette in the other, and a 22 year-old stud named Armando going through my purse