Signs That Relationship May Be On the Rocks

Foreplay now consists of, "Do I have to? We just did it last month."
Wants to wife-swap with Kid Rock.
He sends cards reminding me, it takes two people to maintain a cold, loveless marriage of convenience.
Every time I experience a passionate night of lovemaking, there's a presidential election.
Pretty sure I saw a picture of him in the tabloids holding hands with Hillary Clinton.
Just not feeling like my cold, distant self lately.
I no longer find joke about, "Rebound Wife" to be funny.
Instead of money in "Hooker" Jar, it is full of IOU's.
Towels are monogrammed "His" and "Anyone else"
Finding self only aroused when thinking of Keith Richards.
Oftentimes, my husband daydreams that I am a 22-year-old model who was married to Donald Trump for about 5 minutes.
No longer finds my unhealthy, 24/7 obsession with David Caruso cute.
Starts laughing his ass off whenever I'm half naked.
Entire day spent on couch watching "Oprah" and crying. It's really starting to get on my nerves. Grabs a notepad every time commercial for "900" girl chat line comes on TV, and always gets me when he calls.
I've recently become one of the five best computer solitaire players in the world.
My only joy? Arrival of Sharper Image neck massager catalog.
Says he's going drinking with people from work, yet comes home sober, and he works at Rick's Cabaret.
Seems to have an awful lot of Hilton Reward Points.
When we go to the beach he always says "Hey, those rocks remind me of us."