- didn't like that I hired a hot, young pool boy; especially since we don't have a pool
- Roxy turned 30, time to trade in for a younger model
- once again, Pamela Anderson is available
- sobered up
- I refused to increase his allowance
- broken-bottle fights just not as spontaneous anymore
- turned himself over to authorities
- can't afford marriage penalty taxes anymore
- became suspicious when FedEx guy started dropping off packages five times a day
- sick of incessant phone call hang ups from Keith Richards
- pills wore off
- realized he'd accidentally married the wrong sister
- received Val-Pak coupon for area divorce lawyer
- discovered Roxy's "scary, little secret" in the crawlspace
- not enough Viagra in the world for this bitch
- I don't find the pet name "Cletus" to be cute anymore
- I recently discovered that he wasn't an abusive, insecure, alcoholic, so he had to go
- decided to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming Broadway chorus dancer
- I never really understood his appreciation for the music of "The Go-Gos"
- no longer finds my cold, spiteful, disinterest to be endearing
- finally saw me drive
- he wanted to rent an action film, I thought a comedy, so we decided to call the whole thing off
- he's tired of trying to come up with new ways to disguise the poison
- finally figured out how I got all those Hilton Honors points
- his midlife crisis ended
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