Least Popular Euphemisms for Masturbating

v Posting a blog
v Seeing Bon Jovi in concert
v Passing a non-binding resolution
v Using the EZ Pass
v Googling yourself
v Polishing the lawn gnome
v Breaking in the intern
v Earning a free t-shirt
v Taking the local uptown
v Attending an opening
v Itemizing deductions
v Voting for Sanjaya
v Missing your exit off the Turnpike
v Closing down the border
v Putting up condos in Asbury
v Recharging the iPod
v Making a scene in the village
v Dealing in antiquities
v Parking near the tunnel
v Viewing YouTube
v Rebooting the hard drive
v Browsing at The Gap
v Laying off some prosecutors
v Grabbin' yourself a cocktail, y'all

(This is the stuff I come up with while commuting. Aren't you glad you don't carpool with me?)