Your Significant Other Might Be A Loon…

- Gets pumped up for lovemaking by listening to Clay Aiken
- Recently shaved her head, then attacked paparazzi with an umbrella
- Wrote you a beautiful love poem, in bleach on your front lawn
- During sex he called you by the wrong name. Only the name he called you was Barbra Streisand
- His pick-up line was, "Ever do it with a co-dependent, manic-depressive with "mommy" issues?
- Changed her myspace quote to "Erin Go Bragh-less"
- Refers to his "manly parts" as Tony Orlando and Dawn
- Wrote a book called, "If I Did It"
- She has Jets season tickets
- Refers to himself as "The King of Pop"
- Named his new hammer after you
- Wrote the song, "Dick in a Box" based on real-life experience
- Oftentimes you'll find her in her office topless and licking the window
- Calls everyday to tell you he loves you. Despite your having changed your number 7 times, moved to 4 different states, and taken out numerous restraining orders
- Names all his condiments after characters from "The Brady Bunch"
- Keeps referring to herself as "The Artist Formerly Known As Roxy"
- Refers to his Camaro as a "Dumb Chick Magnet"
- Informs you that she's been having an affair… with the toaster… and is carrying it's lovechild
- Your private investigator took photos of him checking into a sleazy motel with a blow up doll that resembled Rosie O'Donnell
- Claimed a garden hose as a dependent on her last tax return
- He's holding your dog for ransom
- Mentions casually several times throughout dinner conversation that he'd like to make love to a parking meter
- He's married to Hillary Clinton