Lowlife Revisited

If you can answer "Yes" to any of these questions... you're a lowlife


Ø Have you hit on me at some point?
Ø Can you belch all the words to a song?
Ø Have you ever aspired to become a 'Pussycat Doll' or to date Flava Flav?
Ø Did you have to inflate your last "significant other"?
Ø Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, now that's good eatin'?
Ø Is Tony Danza is a gifted performer?
Ø Having money doesn't mean you have class. You hear me, Donald Trump?
Ø Is Dow Jones the guy that sang 'What's New, Pussycat?'
Ø Does your retirement plan involve lottery tickets?
Ø Have you ever been beaten with chair on 'Springer'?
Ø Do you need someone to help you with the big words when you read the letters to 'Penthouse'?
Ø Have you ever appeared shirtless on 'Cops'?
Ø Do you know what it means when I refer to the "Lowest Common Denominator"?
Ø Is your response to anything that goes wrong to give 'em the finger?
Ø Do you stare transfixed at freakishly large implants?
Ø Do you know at least one guy who's missing all or part of a finger, and called "Lucky"?
Ø Do you prefer young broads and old whiskey, but gladly settle for the opposite if it's cold enough?
Ø Have you ever yanked it to a Disney film?
Ø Have you ever touched Bill Clinton on purpose?
Ø Are you Bill Clinton?
Ø Did we date at some point?
Ø Have you ever voted drunk?
Ø Are you in front of me in traffic?
Ø Have you ever had sex in the back of a truck? An ice cream truck? Was the little tune playing?
Ø Did the last art or cultural event you attended involve cars gettin' smashed up real good?
Ø Have you ever been elected to office in New Jersey?
Ø Are more than one of your kids named Rusty Jr., and don't share the same father?
Ø Are you now, or have you ever been a white rapper?
Ø Does your ankle bracelet beep when you leave your house?
Ø Have you been known to beat your kids when they "sass back"?
Ø Does the whitest sheet in your house go over your head?
Ø Have you "accidentally" had your cooch photographed by paparazzi? Twice?
Ø Are you related to Janet Jackson?
Ø Is your "family business" collecting government checks?
Ø Does your work uniform include pasties?
Ø Do you play the banjo?
Ø Did the plot of the last book you read involve finding a guy in glasses and a striped shirt?
Ø Are casino slots almost as loose as your wife?
Ø Does your diet consist mostly of Slim Jims?
Ø Have you ever called a phone sex line? To ask where your damn paycheck is?
Ø Has your designated driver just been sentenced to 45 days jail time?
Ø For legal purposes is your full name is Roxy Moron-Busey?
Ø Has a cop ever referred to you as "that dumb sum'bitch"?
Ø Are you worried that your dye job, ripped jeans, visible thong and tube top aren't really hiding the fact that you're 57 years old?

(in somewhat loving tribute to my favorite songwriter, y'all know who I mean)