Roxy’s Tax Tips

Ø Take as business deduction crapload of D-cell batteries
Ø Claim that $200 spent on Barbra Streisand tix was political contribution to the Democratic Party
Ø Deduct cash value of time spent watching "CBS Evening News" as a charitable donation
Ø Deduct gifts and entertainment for certain members of NJ State Legislature
Ø Enclose a naked photo of self with completed return
Ø Deduct contribution to "Future Un-Wed Mothers of America Foundation"
Ø List occupation as "Personal Services Facilitator/Longshoreman"
Ø Claim that million dollars came from spending one night with Bill Clinton, and therefore qualifies as a charitable donation
Ø Claim "knockers" as dependents
Ø Sign all forms with "XOXO" and "call me"
Ø Deduct palimony payments to David Caruso
Ø Report extra income from performing under the name "Tawdry Audrey"
Ø Do not literally "cook the books"; turns out that's just a saying
Ø Deduct cash value of making it through another year without killing Jessica Simpson. Believe me, that's fucking charity!
Ø Donate all of your assets to "Phil Spector Defense Fund"
Ø Claim your stalker as a dependent
Ø Deduct cost of "Whitesnake 4 Ever" tattoo removal
Ø Attach bar napkin with "W-2" written on it
Ø Answer every question, "None of your fucking business!"
Ø Deduct cost of replacement panties needed after tossing previous ones onstage at John Eddie concerts
'>Ø Fill out your tax forms with lip-liner
Ø Offer to settle up the tab with hot dominatrix session
Ø List your full name as Roxy Leona Moron-Busey
Ø Claim $752,987 in gambling losses
Ø Ask if you can get your refund in vodka