Signs That Roxy is In Love With You (‘Cause Turnabout is Fair Play)

Signs That Roxy is In Love With You
('Cause Turnabout is Fair Play)

- no longer speaks to you, acknowledges you, or lives in the same state
- she's considering not sleeping with the other members of your band
- you've never done it in so many public places before
- her rampant alcoholism
- hesitates slightly before kicking you in the mouth with her boot
- you've seen her naked and she didn't require a credit card first
- uses endearments like, "Get the hell outta here, before I shoot you, weirdo!"
- gives you the angry, beady-eyed "come hither" stare
- took her personal ads down off of Craigslist, and the sex tapes off eBay
- finally gave you a "Roxymoron Witness Protection Program" T-shirt
- says those sweet words that mean so much, "Who do I make the check out to?"
- rambles on a lot less about hidden messages in "Ace of Base" albums that tell her to set fires
- took you to meet her "real" family in the Ozarks
- she's practically topless every time you see her
- hasn't called your mother a whore, recently
- gave you a key to her neighbor's place
- hasn't once tried to convert you to Scientology
- attends all of your court appearances, and not just to testify for the prosecution
- she keeps calling you Rick