Things To Do Now That the Weather is Warmer

- defrost and dispose of the bodies
- check on Grandma, see if she made it through another winter
- put away sleazy winter clothes, replace with sleazy summer clothes
- remove tire chains, and ones on car, too
- put faux furs in faux storage
- plot revenge
- take down Christmas lights
- make transition from whiskey season to rum season
- join wet t-shirt contest circuit
- return "borrowed" snowblower
- "borrow" lawnmower
- drill hole in neighbor's boat
- shave off winter coat
- see if hot Lynyrd Skynyrd tour shirt will last another summer
- cut another inch off of "Daisy Duke" shorts
- go back to summer job as Robert Earl Keen groupie
- roust the Amish
- spend more quality time face down on the lawn
- call Trump Marina, see if ban's been lifted yet
- start taking top off at concerts again
- bathe outdoors
- anxiously await mailman's shorts uniform
- rehab!!!!
- replace "winter itch" cream with "summer itch" cream
- pitch for the Yanks
- 2 words: bottle blonde
- summer fling with a whole new class of dirtbag
- schedule bi-weekly bikini waxes
- wander the streets like an idiot
- stop hanging out in corners of dark, seedy bars
- start hanging out on patios of dark, seedy bars
- dredge ice fishing hut out of river
- stop wearing underwear!