Why I Love My Gun

Ø The Robert Blake/Phil Spector-approved solution for avoiding messy break-ups


Ø You expect me to drive without a gun?


Ø A chick packing heat makes for fantastic opportunities for sexual innuendo


Ø Sure fire way to shut Rosie O'Donnell the hell up


Ø I always have right-of-way at a 4-way stop


Ø How cool it makes me


Ø Took care of that pesky Jehovah's Witness problem


Ø What? Am I supposed to use a bow and arrow to shoot rats at the dump?


Ø More effective than sweet talk, when dealing with government officials


Ø It's always hard, ready to fire one off, and doesn't expect me to call it "Daddy". Of course, I do anyway!


Ø Adds that element of danger to any dinner party


Ø Settles every political debate almost instantly


Ø Makes me feel like a real man


Ø More effective than Prozac for treating depression and all its known causes


Ø Impresses the heck out of school kids


Ø Yes, that is a gun in my pocket, and no, I'm not happy to see you


Ø How else am I gonna celebrate the New Year?


Ø Effectively gets Bill Maher offa my TV screen


Ø Gun + PMS = RUN!!!!


Ø I've got your peaceful conflict resolution, right here


Ø Well-played game of Roulette solves idiot over-population problem