Random Wisdom "All Up In Yo Face" Edition

• You, with the girlfriend young enough to be your kid. This ain't little league, not everyone deserves a trophy! Grow up.
• Make sure when you get your tubes tied, that the doctor makes a double-knot.
• I'm not sure if he's a dirtbag or a douchebag, but he's definitely of the bag family.
• Dwarves and shit. I don't know why, just dwarves and shit.
• You know what I'd like to see? An actual Streisand farewell tour.
• If all of your lovers cheat on you, and lie to you. Maybe you should consider that they're not necessarily the problem.
• I see no shame in sucker punching someone in the back of the head. In fact, I encourage it.
• I never said you were poor, white trash. I know you're not poor.
• I didn't beat the woman at Starbucks to death with her small, purse dog. So, where's my medal?
• I know you worry that people think you're a shallow whore, and that nobody likes you. But that's just not true. Lots of drunk guys like you.
• I try to be in love at least once a day.
• Ask me if I've heard the good word one more time, and I'll hurl this Jack Daniels bottle at you.
• I don't feel sorry for you because you're lonely. I feel sorry for you, because all signs point to you staying that way.
• "Rock Lobster" is perhaps, the greatest song ever written. Suck on that Manilow!
• I never fail to be entertained by just how special you think you are.
• I am woman, hear me bitch!
• You're not going to live forever. And when you do die, chances are no one is going to erect a statue in your honor. There, I said it. Now, will you please put your pants back on?
• Fucknut is a far too undervalued term.