Random Wisdom: Vol. 79,462.75

Crazy doesn't always come barreling in. Sometimes, crazy knocks politely. After that, it's Katy bar the door!

Thinking about creating my own church. So, start stockpiling your weapons.

Always remember, win or lose, those are your two options.

Just because you put a twig on your head, doesn't mean you can call yourself a tree.

I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. But if you hurt me, I will make it my mission in life to destroy you.

No no...I'm not an evil genius. Just a regular, ol' genius.

Look, just because I'd burn down your village and eat your soul, doesn't make me a bad person. Maybe I'm just a little misunderstood. Friends?

Honesty is the best policy, and dishonesty is the second best.

Seems like most people don't care how big the box of crap is, so long as it is wrapped in a big, pretty bow.

Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'd suggest you duck.

It has been my experience, with both businesses and people, that most would choose two shiny, new nickels over a faded, old dollar bill.

You're about as cryptic as a peacock.

Just because I love ya like a sibling, doesn't mean I won't kick ya 'til you're dead.

It's totally safe to donate blood in those mobile bloodbanks. Except at night. At night they're a vampire magnet.

I don't see what's so funny about an hysterical pregnancy.

I'm like a winter's night. Dark, cold and really hard to drive a car through.

The years have been kind to you. It's the days that have been a real bastard.